A man innocently came home yesterday. He undressed and went straight to bathe. His wife tried to rearrange the dress in a right position before her eyes caught sight of the nose mask that fell from one of the pockets. The object, to her, looked like a woman’s pant. Boom! ‘Wahala don wear cover shoe’! Like a whirlwind, she gingered into the bathroom and immediately made an incongruous U-turn back to the parlour. The husband was confused. Was it a ghostly macabre, he wondered. But he was sure a being entered though his eyes were overwhelmed with soap as he bathed. He called his wife repeatedly but a deadly silence greeted the response. When he finally came out to know what was happening, ‘placa’! His wife rushed him and gave him a hot chase. He ran out in bewilderment. His wife followed him monstrously with an injurious object. Useless man! Women wrapper! Womanizer! Her voice giggled in the air and trapped down the whole atmosphere to a standstill more than any thunder ever such that if there was a deaf person in the neighborhood, it could have forced his ears opened. The towel he had put on from the bathroom got loosen off as he raced out of his house. He had severally read and heard how angry women killed their husbands on account of one issue or the other. So, he ran to avoid its similitude. God bless the night, that ugly snake could have been seen ‘dongolo’ dangling with his cap side to side in between his two host fleshy bloody trees. It was this same snake the woman had imagined his wayward elasticity with another woman. Cacophonously, came the neighbours. Trust Nija neighbors. ‘Awanda’! People clustered in groups like chickens which have seen unusual scene. The local FM began mouthing the drama. Some women sobbed with the woman. Some sighed pitifully. Others murmured loudly: Oh! Poor woman! She caught her husband with another woman on the very act. Woe unto men, they can’t tame their snakes. Just then, came a man tenderly to find out the cause of the hullabaloo. My husband came home this evening, the woman began to narrate the issue. I smelt a strong array of perfume from his hand. He had romanced a harlot somewhere. She asserted. I ignored the odour and then continued to fold his wears only for me to see the confirmation, the idiot harlot had left her pant in his pocket. She said while sobbing and hiccupping. What! Exclaimed the uninvited guests. I will take the pant somewhere and render her barren. A woman among them volunteered. The man’s friends ran to where he was hiding and blamed him for leaving a woman’s pant in his pocket and also using her perfume. A woman’s pant in my pocket? The man became furious. He only used a hand sanitizer from a shop he had gone to buy food stuff for the family. The shop’s owner insists his customers use the sanitizer before entrance. He came back to the house in the company of his friends and demanded the controversial pant be brought forth for the crowd to see. It was but a Corona nose mask.
written by Okpe Samson